what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
