I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
