Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
