your thong is hanging out like whoa
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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