There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
