I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Im part way to drunk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
