Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
