You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
