i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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