worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
