they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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