can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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