I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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