this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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