all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
