Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
