By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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