this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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