When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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