I'm going to jail i love you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
