Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pooping to opera.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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