cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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