My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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