How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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