Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
