The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
