He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Send help, water and tortillas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
