Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
