This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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