That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
