Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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