I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
