I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
