Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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