This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
