she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
