OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
