if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
