Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
