am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
