I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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