I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
