dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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