I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
