How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
