He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
