i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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