i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
