So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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