Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is the high leading the old right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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